On February 8, 2009, Rihanna's life changed. And honestly, so did mine. I had never paid that much attention to Rihanna. I liked her song "Umbrella" but didn't really know much else about her.
She always seemed a little "hard" to me. Like hardcore, tough or "Good girl gone bad" as she self-proclaimed for the name of her 2007 album.
But when I heard that Chris Brown had allegedly beaten up Rihanna, I was in a place in my life where I myself was being bullied in a situation and also was at a turning point in facing some demons from my own past. And the news of Rihanna shook me and confused me. She was so pretty, rich, successful, young, talented. In all the photos I had ever seen of her and Chris Brown they always looked so romantic with each other and in love.
"She must have done something to provoke him," I shared with a friend. "No," my friend said. "You are blaming the victim. Survivors of abuse often tend to do that. If they are the victim they will blame themselves. If they witness abuse they will find excuses for the abuser and blame the victim. It's very common."
"Hmmm. Maybe," I said. I didn't fully buy that logic then and I still don't. Now let me clarify. No matter what Rihanna may or may not have done or whatever anyone could ever do, there is still the matter of the other person being responsible for their own actions. Even if Rihanna started pounding Chris with her fists, he is still accountable for his own actions and reactions.
HOWEVER, they were both kids when this happened. What 20 or 21 years old? Rich, unsupervised, on-top-of-the-world kids surrounded by 'yes' people and handlers that cater to them. I just thought, why is there not more leeway in the harshness of public judgement and opinion they received. Especially Chris.
Do I condone violence? Absolutely not. Do I see how it can happen? Of course, live a day on this planet as an adult and you can see how violence happens. We have animal instincts, many people have unhealed rage from their past, we have a society of surpressed emotions... things happen. But I believe it is possible to heal and move on. I don't believe condemning people and shaming them for their mistakes helps anyone.
Both Chris Brown and Rihanna came from homes where they witnessed domestic violence. Rihanna has been said to have experienced bullying in her elementary years in school. She has been quoted in articles of having acted out violence on her brother.
These are learned vibrations that if not shifted consciously, remain as part of the individual.
In my opinion both Rihanna and Chris Brown are both victims and both perpetrators. And I believe this to be true for any such situation. The vibrations of both parties matched up on some level. I know this is true from my own experience of being bullied. I may have been what appeared to be the "victim" but my vibration was a perfect match to the situation.
And I believe anyone who has ever been in any kind of situation where they have been "victimized" if they ever truly get to the point of awareness and knowing themselves and able to see what sort of "vibration" they are emitting, they will see their own part in a situation.
I am not blaming anyone. I truly believe everyone is doing the best they can for themselves. No one wants to feel bad about themselves or their lives.
I know my beliefs and opinions aren't "popular" or common and many people might disagree. And that is ok too. People can have whatever beliefs they want to. And based on my own experience and exploration, I have come to my own.
